Sunrise, Sunset, Acknowledging the Passing of My Sister

Sunrise, September 2, 1944; Sunset, October 25, 2024. Brenda Nell Phelps’s long good-bye to family and friends ended. She is survived by her loving partner of 42 years, Sandra Vaughn; her son, Jon Phelps-Steele; sister, Ellen Williams Harris; brother, Sidney Williams (Betty); nephews, Jeremy Harris and Sidney DeWayne Williams; sister from another mother, Stella Phelps Jones; and several extended family and friends.

*Brenda and Mama (Photos 1-3)

*Brenda and Sandra (Photos 1-2; My wedding day (Photos 3-4); Brenda and Jon (Photo 5); Brenda, Mama, me, and Jon (Photo 6); Jon's High School graduation: me, Brenda, Jon and Jeremy (Photo 7); Houston family: Sidney, Jon, Brenda, Sidney DeWayne, Mama (Photo 8); Jon's college graduation: me, Brenda, Jon (Photo 9)

*Jon, Brenda, Jeremy, Jakari (Photo 1); Brenda, me, Jeremy, Jakari (Photo 2)

My sister lived a full life. Her civil rights work in Houston, TX led me to be one of 10 African American children to integrate Lanier Jr. High School. Sometimes putting 50 cents worth of gas in her old Rambler car, she got us to sports events to see our brother, Sidney, play. She made sure we got to the local YMCA to learn how to swim and to Trinity East Methodist Church for Sunday School. Nine years older than me and 11 years older than Sidney, she was our self-proclaimed second mother to the end.

*Brenda holding me as a baby (Photo 1); Brenda, Mama, me (Photo 2)

Brenda was a brilliant, strong, determined Black woman. She started Texas Southern University at 16 years old. She courageously moved to New York City in her early 20s and remained there until her death. At one point she worked at the Amsterdam News in Harlem, served as the executive director for a Queens teen pregnancy prevention program, and ran her own real estate business. She earned a master's in education from Harvard University. Throughout her lived experiences, she purposefully mentored and guided others to seek higher education, a new home, and not be bound by their present circumstances. Always a seeker of knowledge, she served as a youth missionary in the early 1960s in South Korea and in 2000 travelled to Zimbabwe with my son, Jeremy, to help him get settled in school while I began a Fulbright Senior Scholar Fellowship at the University.

*Zimbabwe Photos: Brenda and me at Victoria Falls (1); Brenda and Jeremy (2); Brenda and me (3); Jeremy, me, Brenda riding elephants (4); Everyone was a friend, housekeeper and Brenda (5)

These are just a few memories of my sister and by no means do they capture the fullness of her life. I called her Buma because as a toddler I couldn’t say Brenda. She called me, Ellen Ruth, Elrue, or Miss Thang. While we spent a little over two years saying good-bye, she never forgot Sandra, Jon, me, or Jeremy, and would always point out any sarcasm in the tone of my voice; something that would make us all laugh.

*Brenda's nickname for me

*Family visits in Queens

*Family visits at the nursing home

Life is a journey

         We pass through living highs, lows

         Ending comes with love

P.S.  Although my sister lived 50+ years in New York City, in her mind’s eye Houston was always home. I drove to Houston from Mississippi for the Christmas/New Year’s holidays. To symbolically bring Buma back home, a major part of the trip was to disperse some of her ashes around special places in the city.

*Texas Southern University campus where Buma went and made lifelong friendships with professors and students; her ashes are in the entry garden.

*Jack Yates campus where Buma graduated high school; her ashes are under the tree.

*Our brother, Sidney's backyard garden; her ashes are around the tree he planted there years ago.

Buma loved art and culture. As a young adult she had a close relationship with the Menil family. Some of her ashes are under this tree on The Menil Collection gallery campus.